I never liked the Honeymooners. If I wanted to watch a working class couple arguing all the time, I’d have spent more time with my parents.
When rich people are above everyone else, there’s only one thing that likely to come trickling down.
The extremists using the name Tea Party are an insult to all white guys who dress up like Native Americans to dump tea in Boston harbor.
Those who live in glass houses should budget for a higher than average supply of Windex.
I felt bad because I had no shoes, then the power went out and someone smashed the window at Foot Locker so I swiped some.
If the online credit report is “free” then why does the credit bureau need my credit card number? And since they’re the credit bureau, shouldn’t they already have this information?
People who take their little kids to R-rated movies probably also read them bedtime stories from Penthouse Forum.
Has anyone seen my shirt? I keep losing it in the stock market.
An athlete once charged me $100 to autograph a baseball. He was a tennis player.
The political system in this country will never improve until we abolish political parties. It doesn’t matter how many there are, it’s the parties that are the problem.
I was born and raised in Atlanta, drinking Coke for much of my life and, given the choice, I prefer to drink something else.
What good is “eternal life” if one must spend it with a bunch of ultra-conservative Christians?
If it weren’t for limericks, most people wouldn’t know Nantucket even exists.
I don’t have kids, but if I did I sure as heck wouldn’t encourage them to look up to sports stars or reality show “celebrities” as role models.
If anyone should ever see me running in any direction, I’d recommend doing the same, because no one’s going to want to know what’s behind me.